what you wanted.

in sixth grade i walked into school terrified. pink skirt, rose colored blouse, brown loafers. short red hair i was worried i wouldn't fit in. i really shouldn't have worried, i never would fit in anyway. i walked into science and sat across from a kinda cute boy with spiked brown hair and brown eyes. and in front of a really cute boy with blonde hair and dark blue eyes. or were theuy green? i sat through the class already knowing all of the things this lady was saying. the boy with spiked hair was wesley. the blonde, cody. i met a girl in reading tall with short brown hair and brown eyes. she was my soon-to-be best friend audrey. or riku. all through sixth i was a sweet girl, interested in my school work, i cried a lot in front of the one boy, cody i never knew. i soon forgot him as i crushed on him. there may have been a time where i may have had a chance with him. . .but now that has passed. i can be content being his best friend as long as he trusts me. i know he doesn't love me, i really do. i can get over it! riku left me at the end of the year, i miss her every day.

seventh was a different story. i had more attitude though wesley hated me. i got over it quickly as i met a blonde haired girl with grey blue eyes. i fell in love with her. . .she broke my heart. over and over again. i cried less and my image changed a lot. i went from pink skirts and blouses to dark purples and blues. i also acquired a yellow jacket that i still have. i still sorta liked the boy. but i was in love. that consisted of my seventh grade year. . .love an a shattered heart.

eighth was even more different. i still loved the girl but the boy was around me more. . .he talked to me a lot more and was nicer. i went into blacks and stayed there. the girl started to be more distant, showing off her relationships to me, slowly killing me. i wanted to die sometimes. let my heart to get the best of me, to let me cry less and less. so now i'm broken, not able to love quite the same but the boy has somehow worked his way into my heart and i like him more than liking. i didn't understand it.

now i'm in high school and i'm somewhat worthless, completely broken, highly emotional and depressed. i love this boy who has finnaly started to be kinder to me. he has problems just like mine and i can understand him. i love him more than he knows. but i'm his friend and eternal support. and i love the job. i still love that girl who has broken me. . . i can't seem to get over it. but now i know what life is like and why some women stay alone all of they're lives. but that's not what i want. i want a relationship where i don't have to worry about being cheated on or dumped. what wesley has with katt. i just want to be happy. it may be tomorrow, it may be ten years from now.