in class once again

this is a very dull morning. wow i guess i don't like shcool as much as i thought. once again i'm sure i should be doing something else. like the word of the day. way to make me feel like a little kid. if decode didn't have my notebook i would be writing forbidden. i intend to do so tommorow. hehe. . . i wish i had some anime. do i ???? no i don't think so. i have a feeling that this is more of a online diary than a blog. -.- whatever. ^-^ too tired to really do much right now.

in the middle of school

right now i'm so bored. i'm pretty sure i should be doing something else but i finished what i was told to do. class ends in like five minutes. i don't even know why i'm doing this...nevermind class just ended

a little more about me

people that know me well know that i'm a very insecure person. i only speak to people i know and am afraid of doing anything out of character. the only few things i really have confidence are my writing and drawings. there are also very few people i'll sing to. i can sing to ashley because in sixth grade she forced me to learn a song by fall out boy. it was really fun accutally. . . i can sing with kendyll but only with not to. i'm not sure. i can sing to and with my little brother. i know he won't judge me. i think the closer i am to someone the more reluctant to sing or dance for. that may be why i won't sing for my mom. don't get me wrong, i love to sing. there are songs i'll sing to myself all the time. my new facsination would be 'i won't say i'm in love' from herculese. . . no idea why. i also will sing to my neibors. i call them my puppies because thats how the act.this is my new fave song, terrified by kara dioguardi. it's so pretty.

randomness

i find that i express myself very well through music. the only Bow wow song i'll listen to is outta my system.

Damn, I mean, I just keep thinkin' about you
I mean, I wanna move on but I can't move on
It's like you got some kinda hold on me and, man I don't know
But I'ma go ahead and talk about it, listen

I'm sittin' lookin' out the window like damn
Tryna fix this situation that's at hand
You're still runnin' through my mind
When I'm knowin' that you shouldn't be
Me all on your mind and I'm knowin' that it couldn't be

'Cause you ain't called and I ain't even appalled
I still got a lotta pain, I ain't dealt wit it all
I been runnin' 'round with other chicks, I'm single and they lovin' it
I'm likin' it but I just want the one that I was in love with

That's not the end of it, I'm tryna let you go
I can't get a grip of it is what I'm tryna let you know
You got a hold or some kinda control of me
I don't know what it is but I gotta get you gone from me

I'm workin' at it and it ain't gettin' no better
Just tryna be like, yeah, forget it, whatever
Instead of starin' out this glass, lookin' at this bad weather
Damn, I gotta pull myself together 'cause

When I'm with somebody, all I think 'bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smilin' faces in my Sidekick, outta town visits
All the time we spent together
Makes it hard to get you outta my system

And you know what you do to me, do to me
You don't even understand, damn
And you know what you do to me, do to me
It's so hard to get you outta my system

I'm too attached, my heart won't let me fall back
I got it bad, that's what you can call that
And when I see you in the streets, that's the worse for me
Used to love the little things you did, that's what works for me

It's too major, don't see you in my pager
Know what you doin', where you at or can I see you later?
The fellas tellin' me, “Just let her go, Bow�
Believe me, I'm tryin', man, I just don't know how

I be in all the top spots, leavin' with the hot shots
Knowin' they just want me 'cause I'm in the top spot
That's not poppin' and my brain ain't stoppin'
Thinkin' who she with or where she goin', is she club hoppin'?

I never had this kind of problem in my life
This is my first time dealin' with this kind of fight
It's every night and every flight and every time you in my sight
Damn, this ain't even right 'cause

When I'm with somebody, all I think 'bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smilin' faces in my Sidekick, outta town visits
All the time we spent together
Makes it hard to get you outta my system

And you know what you do to me, do to me
You don't even understand, damn
And you know what you do to me, do to me
It's so hard to get you outta my system

Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
You been runnin' through my mind all day, can you feel me?
I been tryna get you off my mind
But I can't after all this time, that's what kills me

Is it wrong for me to feel this way?
You been runnin' through my mind all day, can you feel me?
I been tryna get you off my mind
But I can't after all this time and it kills me

When I'm with somebody, all I think 'bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smilin' faces in my Sidekick, outta town visits
All the time we spent together
Makes it hard to get you outta my system

And you know what you do to me, do to me
You don't even understand, damn
And you know what you do to me, do to me
It's so hard to get you outta my system

I remember everything that me and you talked about
Me and you had our whole life planned out together
And if I could, I would turn back the hands of time
And correct all my mistakes that I ever did

But now I guess I gotta move on, right?
It's still hard and I still love you to this day
Peace

so yeah. . . whatever.

of course you wouldn't get it

i do try to tell you don't i? everyday i look at you and smile. laugh hysterically, blush? don't you see it in my eyes? long ago i gave you my heart and you pretend you don't know. i sit in the rain and stare at the ground hoping you'll show up but you never do. you are always in my thoughts and on my mind and . . . just let it through your thick skull!!!!!

nothing to say but everything

everyday i just sit there staring off into space thinking. (probably would explain why i'm failing algebra already) and due to all the stress of homecoming and report cards within three weeks of one another all i really have to do is paint my smile on and pretend to be any other student. people think i've stopped lying. the truth is i've just gotten better. helplessly in love. no i'm single and fine with it. miserable beyond words. i'm perfectly fine, just a little tired *half hearted laugh* and the sad part is, everybody believes it. but then i've always been a suffer in silence kind of person.