everything

i see almost everything. i see how much he cares for her, how much he wants to tell her. i see how much she loves other girls. . . bri, lakin, girls better than me. i have accepted that, i understand that and have finally given up. i step aside and let the other girls have her. it seems sensible to do so. when i did so she was upset, she wanted me to not, but when she was with erica, she just wanted me to back off a little. she didn't really care if i was crying, walking a good sevsn feet behind them as they wrapped aroung her. she told me not to cry and then brushed it off. i was hurt so badly that i cried for days. now i won't show her how much i hurt to spare her sympathy. i never wanted this, i thought i could live through it but apparently not. i've already done as much as i can to prove i care, to show that i really do love her, but it's all in vain. you want me to see you, and i do. so unless i'm misinterpreting you, you're relived that i've stopped chasing you. i read most people like an open book, you're a little harder to read. i can read him, i can read her, but you're harder. you rarely look me in the eyes, and when you do, your eyes are dark and covered. i leave mine open in hopes you will see how much i hurt, and when i see you i shut you out realizing i don't want you to know. when you think you know how much pain i've seen, you aren't even scratching the surface. i only let you see what i want you to see. don't be annoyed i do it to everyone. even him. so in the time i've spent writing this i've resolved myself further. i'm not going to stop hanging around you, i'm just going to be a little less there. but i promise i'll leave before long if it gets too hard. i though i'd throw that out there. just to make a little more sense to you. after all you said you didn't understand.