what do i want?

i don't know anymore.

i hurt all over now and don't think i can fix it right now.even as good as i am, i can't fix this right now. i rather think i liked being numb better. even that could be remidied with a bit of broken glass. but now i don't know. do i even want anything??? i know i love her and i'm pretty sure my heart is gravitating towards him, too. i can't stop it no matter how hard i try. i get yelled at for it. a normal life. a better one. i can see you don't want me. i've cried myself to sleep every night for several days. my dreams have gone from cruel to sadistic. i woke up this morning with tears on my pillow. i can't do anything. i'm trying to just get through the day and find a happier place than i'm in. it's just not working. just make it through the day and you can cry when you're alone. keep your head high and fake the smiles. and remember don't let the tears fall in front of them. that could make or break you.