dakota,

in my life i've made many mistakes. i don't think i could say meeting you was a mistake. you said there was a time where he did love me. but i was with you at the time and didn't know. i don't think i have the guts to ever find out myself so i'll leave it at that. if i hadn't met you, the heartbreak woulden't have been avoided, just would have come at a different time, a different way. if it wasen't you, it may have been him, or someone else.you say you were a replacement for him, but in truth being around him is a replacement for being around you. he makes me feel warm, happy, the way you used to. before you left me. he makes me feel good about myself, especially when i see him looking at me from across the room like for a moment he chose me over all of the other things in the room to glance at. and when he just walks over in the middle of class and sits in front of my desk to talk to me. when he looks into my eyes my heart jumps into my throat just the way it did when you used to look me in the eyes. but as an abused puppy these are the things i've learned to watch for. i tried to get him into a position where no matter if he liked me there would be no way for me to access him. i've learned the signs from my heart that i was going to regret loving somebody. the little pup that was ignored for such a long period of time has become aggresive in a way that almost nobody can show her that life is better than she thinks. have you noticed that unlike you i don't get into relationships? not like you who gets into one after another even after you say you've found everything you've wanted. unlike you i know what i want. i want someone who keeps their promises. just the way theyt say they will. so in retrospect, is he a pain pill for missing you? or is he just a spoonful of arsnec? i don't know but i do know i'm going to keep pushing all of the love i want away until i find out work things out.