whatever. . .

i saw them together. i don't know why but it made me sad. bri was leaned against gage asleep and he was looking at her so lovingly that it made my heart ache. the more i want someone to look at me like that the less possible it seems. sure i don't particularly like gage or completely trust bri. . . but seeing that would be enough to break anyones heart. a long time ago (around seventh grade) i fell in love. of course it's not what most would expect it being my current new friend. and she told me she loved me. i believed every word out of her mouth. that had me standing in the corner of the cafeteria crying. ever since i had put a guard around myself and attempted to keep people from worming into my heart. it works very well. if you are already close to me you will stay that way forever. if we just meet i'm like a stray cat your are trying to feed and i worry and dodge and try to stay away. i have many different sides and personalities.you say you love me and i'll second guess myself for the rest of my life.

dear heart, i met a boy today. . . prepare to shatter.

you say you want to know what's going on in my mind, i told you. you love me? sure you love her too. and her too. i don't know what to think anymore. and the sad part is why can't i let go??? i've given all i have and now i'm trapped where i am. i love you i really do and you can't see that. as the stupid little thing i am i can't tell you like i'd want to so i'll let it go and stew in my own sadness. you can have better than me and i've seen that firsthand.