looking back i realize i was pretty mean about all of this. it was a futile struggle to keep you and others from walking all over me. i stood my ground in a way that made me lash out at all of the wrong people and run from the people i should have confronted. i should have told you face to face instead of starting this war and the more you're around me i lose track of the girl i'm trying to make and revert to the stupid and rather reckless girl i used to be. i don't dream about you, you don't hurt me i just stop in my tracks and seem to be growing down as apposed to up. i do still love you and i always will, someone always remembers their first love. but what i tried to tell you was that, if it was supposed to work out it would have. we would be together and my mom wouldn't hate you. if it was meant to work out we wouldn't have needed to try so hard. we don't belong together and if you're reading this, you should think about it before becoming the stubborn girl you generally are. i'm sorry and i guess i should have seen this coming but at the same time i'm not sorry and i hate that i can't confront you myself.
I do understand. It hurts but I understand. Maybe if I could of kept it all toghter we might of made it. I know that I ruined things a long time ago. I also know that I confuse the many diffrent types of love. I love you and I love Bri. I love you fer everything you are, your warm smile,your beautiful laugh,but its not the forever kind of love. As fer Bri, I loved what I had with her. Where does this leave us? friends who share a hurtful past? lovers with no hope? I dont know anymore. As long as your in my life even if its just as a friend,I'll be alright. our scars both inside and out will fade with time. Do you want me to leave? will that make things better fer you? I am trying to become a new person, a better person, and if you need me to leave fer you to be happy then I will.
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